heRe we GO, sONIC iN thE hAte age. "Don't apologize to them! THEY WORK FOR *YOU*!" -Reyd about the Avanti's people "Gotta go to work. Gotta go to work. Gotta. . . TIME TO WORK! *BLAM*" -Boris the Bum "WHITE POWER! WHITE POWER!" -Spirit, translating Chewbacca's dialogue while he choked Lando in the Empire Strikes Back "WAIT. NO. THIS IS NOT HOW THIS WORKS. You do not harass me about a BIG SECRETZ and then GO AND TAKE A SHOWER." -Shadow Tao "This food isn't very good. Do you smoke pot?" -Melissa (Chrissy's roommate) to Quarex "EEEEEEEENGH! EEENNNGHHH! I CAN BEAT MORTAL KOMBAT ][ ENNNGHH!" -Quarex, making fun of Kurt for no reason. "Hey you guys, quit 'horsing' around!" -Funny old woman to Spirit & Kreeg as they played with horse-sticks while on the job at Jewel. "A lot of us don't like to think about the slaughtering." -Dr. Klingbeil, my speech teacher. "If I can't sing, then I can't work, and I can't be the king of porn." -Some guy on Real Sex "Cock, please." -Spirit, using Sloth's voice. "What is this thing supposed to accomplish?" "SOCKS>>>>>>>>>" -Spirit & Quarex "I was defending the honor of an old woman." -Vanir "Germans are evil." "HAHAHAHA!" "What's so funny!? THEY ARE!" -Shannon (Spirit's sister) & Spirit "I'll give you a cookie!" "A COOKIE!? WOW!" -Quarex & Captain Rat "I am Beefcake the Mighty, Daughter of Cacophony!" -Quarex "Did you send the Reverend Mother's Heart to Mexico City?" "Yes." "What's the fastest land mammal?" "The Cheetah." -Quarex & the Spirit of a Black Hand member who had kidnapped the Reverend Mother. If you don't understand what I'm talking about, then I suggest you stand up and then sit back down again. "ME NO DEAD! ME KILL MANY WITH SWORD!" -Quarex "Oh, the building's taking off." -Large fan system & Harry Lime "No matter where I go, I break a lot of things and hurt a lot of people. And I don't even know that I'm doing it!" -Quarex "MARK IS A DICK FAG!" -Boggle-board-like saying overheard at Cyberi@ "Holy SHIT! Brett's DATING THAT!? WOW!" -Captain Rat "See ya later, Gimp!" -Some kid at Cyberi@ to Erik, presumably because of Gimp.gif "What program would my sister have to have in ireland to get into irc?" "CeltiRC." -Becky & Swiss Pope, on irc, oddly enough. "Well, the board in memory consists of. . ." "Is this a gun?" "Never mind." -Spirit & JHVH-1 "Yes. The 'Bulgaria could explode speaker-chicken.'" -Spirit "Hi, Drew, I'll throw up on your pancakes so they'll taste better!" -Syrup bottle at Denny's "I thought you said only one of the burners worked!" "No, three of them work, but only one comes on by itself." "Yeah, the other one requires chanting and incantation." -Quarex, his mom & his dad talking about their collective (rather lousy) stovetop. "I need an iron." "How's life treating you, Drew?" "Iron-y." "OH GOD" -Quarex, Barb, Quarex, & Quarex "I really don't look out the windows anymore." -Anna " anyone know who fiona apple is? I WANT THE NEW TOOL j-e-ll-o" -Three sequential statements which no doubt have some deep meaning that I'm unaware of. This happened on irc sometime in '96, but I never remembered to record it until now. :) " Hulk Hogan is soooo cool *retch* lovin is what i got je suis tres fatigues" -Three more non-sequitors accurring in a row, later that same night. "God, I hate the irish." -Glynis "She's on. . ." "The Pill." -Quarex's Mom and Dad, talking about Glynis. I think my Mom was trying to explain that Glynis was on the track team, but my Dad wasn't about to let an opportunity like that pass up. I learned with this where I got my penchant for finishing people's sentences! "I can't believe Brett got paid so much for a Two-Day Hand job." -Juke "So we're in the middle of the fuckin' Vaulderie, and all the believers fuckin' disappear! Then the Baron's like, 'Fuckin' shit!'" "Everything seems okay." -Tom Speciale & Normal Fire Chief while inspecting Gamer's Haven's fire extinguishers. "Hey, isn't that the chick?" "Let me see!" "No, her head is still there." -Mark & Matt, then Matt some more. "Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat." -Spirit "Join T-Bone and Rachel at the Central Illinois Auto Show!" "Oh man, someone in quotes.txt has finally made it to stardom!" -WIHN 96.7 fm Deep-voice-announcer-guy & Quarex, thinking to himself later. You'll recognize Rachel from the quote "Rachel, you slut." "I know. . HEY! *whap*" "I think my salmon-colored shorts attract homosexuals." -Quarex "She also says she'll never drink or smork." -Quarex "Only in your court, man. I'm glad I introduced you to that sight. Has he posed changed since the I'm on the telephone shot?" -Swiss Pope, speaking in Beatnik Riddles "I'm all fucked up. I got 112 hours of sleep last night." -Murmur "The beautiful smell-good thing that's going to make you popular." -Dr. Klingbeil, Quarex's speech instruct0r "Even that DUCK can get a girlfriend, and he's fake!" -Spirit "There will be too many speeches on Monday." -Dr. Klingbeil, Quarex's speech instructor, freudian-slipping her way into admitting that she hates me and does not want to hear my speech. For good reason, as I am terrible. "Man, these are some good pop tards." -Swiss Pope's newest misspeak. "THAT'S IT. I have had about THIS MUCH of you." -Hrothgar "Divide and Conquer!" -Overheard by Quarex near the ISU quad. "Heel, Caesar!" -(Hopefully) unintentional pun made by woman on Constitution Trail whose dog was apparently named "Caesar". "Has anybody seen R.J.?" "Look what you did, asshole!" -Spirit & Ogre "Explosions mean either people or stuff. And people or stuff means either food, or more stuff that we can use. So I say we go to the explosions!" -Captain Rat "You enter the dark, sinister lair of Abraham Lincoln." -Kurt "Wait! I wanna die!" -Peggy "WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE! A FINE ADDITION TO MY TUMMY!" -Ogre "I remember hating the Garbage Pail Kids movie when I was 8. They did not put any of the fucking GOOD characters in the movie! They just had these stupid kids who farted and shit. I mean, I was 8, but I knew what I wanted." -Quarex "The best part about being a professional killer is that you don't have to use your turn signals." -Ghort "My CD-Rom is like a Bombay Drive." -Hrothgar "I thought the shimmering was something else. I did not know it was a submarine." -Jake "I shall go knock for the glory of Mr. Boffo." -Jake "BLOOD! BLOOD EVERYWHERE!" -Glynis "WHAT? NO! IT'S A FUCKING TRAGEDY!" -Jake, about Romeo & Juliet "I'm gonna be in Vegas! I'll be playing D&D with whores!" -Rich "I AM-A THE WORST-A MARIO IN THE WORLD! PLEASE KILL ME, BOMB, A-PLEASE!" -Quarex, making Mario grovel and crawl in Mario 64 "Tyrone said he wuz makin' a booty call!" "Dat boy lyin' to yo' azz." "ROADBLOCK!" -Quarex, performing a G.I. Joe "informative segment" "Any game with these dinosaurs in it makes you want to cuss." -Spirit, speaking the truth about Bubble Bobble & Bust-A-Move "What are you doing tomorrow night?" "I am playing Amber." "I bet that sounded really odd to you." -Owen & Quarex & Quarex remembering Owen's girlfriend's name "Way to fuck with the network neighborhood, Dan." -Hrothgar "Hey, you wanna give me a bake-over, Marge?" -Hrothgar, trying to ask Barb for a makeover "I think they put the head on backwards." -Ogre, regarding a teddy bear owned by some mysterious chick at Perkins. Stuffed underneath the front of the teddy bear's overalls, and slightly prodruding, was a very thick tail with a strange looking tip. "I'm a dinosaur! RAHH!" -Jake, in Deadlands, trying to bully Rich around "Why should we trust somebody who's in the dark?" -Hrothgar "Uh oh, I think he's getting ready to do one!" -Rich, regarding the infamous Hrothgar mis-speaks "It's always like this for centuries! Fight fighting with fighting!" -John Hacker II "Wamma get jogj?" -Jook " I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Glynis got LAID! Did you get some?" -Irc session "I'm too insecure of my manhood to measure it myself, and my wife isn't worthy to get off her fucking knees and measure it." -Ryan "I'LL SUCK YO DICK!" -Hrothgar "Tomorrow's my birthday!" "Another fishie!!!" -Hitchcock & Spirit "I'm not vulgar, I'm just gay." -Jake "This guy is an idiot." -Overheard in my Earth Science class while we watched a video of Stephen Hawking talking with an interpreter. "It's pretty funny how I am thinking of this as a long-term investment." -Spirit, upon purchasing a cow costume with an old man mask and a derby. "Hey Amy, tie MY udders in a knot!" -Quarex "Yes. I did it. I killed all of the Jews. Me. Alone. I did it." -Jake "RJ! STOP DROPPING THE ATOMIC BOMBS!" -Tao's mom "I danced a lot." -Jake "How much of that song was original, and how much was Coolio's?" "What happened to you?" -Quarex & Julia, seeming confused. "Anyone want a drink of the gods?" -Tao, offering his Mountain Dew Freeze "Yes, the chicken amulet is intact." -Quarex, discovering a four-month-old Chicken Strip in his basement [sealed in Denny's take-out wrapping] "WINNIE THE POOH'S DEAD?!!?!?!?!" -Swiss Pope "Phil Winans - Happy 19 years of hot General Tso's Chicken." -Ogre "Solid Gold Saturday Knights of Valor not in my backyard stick em up buddy my buddy my buddy and measles on my dick clark station for 25 cents in a bucket asshole." -Rich, Ogre, & Quarex "When did Grill 11 coming out?" -Ghort "Gotta live in Helsinki!" -Mis-interpreted Tricky lyric "Are you in my nutrition class?" "Yes." "Do we get our test results tomorrow?" "I think she said we do, yeah. They might be posted up outside the door." "Okay, thanks." "Just kidding, I am not really in your nutrition class." "Really?" "Yes." -Some girl & Quarex "What would you do to your dorm room if your parents came to visit?" "Hide the syringes." -My sociology teacher & Noah Larsen "Come give me hot lovin'!" "Dude, this is so easy." -Quarex, discovering how easy hot lovin' is to come by at Godfather's pizza "Normally when I'm out here, people are smoking dope." -Cop in the Graveyard "I never plan on dying at any point in my life." -Quarex "I love you the same way I love my DOG and JESUS, except MAYBE MORE." -Quarex, ranting about women's views towards him "You really have to get a date like NOW." -Spirit "Mike, she could be either dead, or living." -Jake "Six million tons of ice cream!!" -Ogre, singing "Oh, by the way dad, the world is ending tonight." "No sense coming home, then." -Quarex & his Dad "Man, the end of the world is really taxing." -Tao Anybody like bicycling? Yeah man, bicycling rocks!! Cool Skull, you hardcore too? "Cycledude" & Quarex on irc "I have several hundred dollars. Let's go." -Kurt "So, do you know anyone else that works here?" "Well, I know Mike Butler, and, although I hope this won't be used against me, Jon Thompson." -Nancy Judd, Jewel Osco Interviewer, and Jake-oo "Are you on midi farm?" "No, midi hell." -Quarex & Tao "When can I get my present, Santa?" "Whoa, look at the time! Santa has to go eat some donuts." -Checker at Super Wal-Mart and Quarex [around 4 A.M., while he wore a Santa Hat(tm)] "I'm going to shit in a bag and give it to you, because I love you." -Katie to Tara "QAGING ROINING LERBIAN" -Spirit's bandnamer "Hey Drew! Pride and Prejudice!" -Quarex's mom, yelled down the stairs in a matter-of-fact manner. "Coding in QuickBasic was always a difficult task when Phil and I were on the phone talking about poop." -Spirit "Like I said before. Oral Sex + Ultima Online == Pure Heaven." -Hrothgar "Staying out of the BMG Music club is harder than trying to quit smoking." -Sage advice from a girl in my Sociology class "You might think it's funny, but it's true. And the truth is never funny." -Ogre "If we weren't so lazy, we'd be famous." -Spirit "Oh, I no understand Physics, I want to go sleep with underage girl!" -Ogre & Spirit making fun of Americans from a Japanese perspective "Oh, I rather go sleep with girl than play informative game!" -Quarex "Pebbles, I think you're beautiful. I wanna be with you." "Barney! My Pebbles!" -Barney Rubble, from the movie KIDS, & Fred Flintstone "I HATE my pseudo-family." -Hrothgar "Hey you stupid fag, I'm gonna cut your balls off." -Hrothgar "I went in to use their microwave, and I wanted to BUST THEIR HYMENS." -Hrothgar, while drunk. "Reason #2034 not to ever drink." -Quarex's response to above quote "Mike, could you unplug the ladder?" -Kurt "Knock Knock" "Who's there?" "Eido." "Eido who?" "Eido RAM. HA HA." -Swiss Pope's worst joke ever, regarding Steev's friend Eido "Sup my man. Why'd you get me condoms?" "I'm the Condom and Cigarette fairy!" -Hrothgar & Ghort "And Katie hates Murmur and really wow you can jump into this building!" -Spirit changing subjects while playing Ultima 8 "Japanese girls know when something is ready to hug and ride." -Spirit