More quotes, more quotes, oh boy, more quotes! "And here is vere ve keep da Chiuhuahuas." -Quarex, in response to a Swiss guy in a video he was watching today walking into a freezer and hearing a dog bark. "She had soft skin and large breasts. But, I'm not Brett Cottone." -ThrillKil, regarding the girl who tried to seduce him at Quarex's and his viewing of "Hello, Dolly" at BHS "Kara gave her address out to four people on irc." "That was smart." "You've got to figure at least one out of four people on the internet are psychos." -Jessica, ThrillKil, Jessica "Is this permanent?" "Yeah. For now." -Ogre & Hrothgar "Keep it real." -Every damned caller to Goat-Spiel on 3/31/96 "Do you like Deicide?" -Waitress at Steak & Shake when we went there at around 1 AM on a beautiful Thursday morning. She informed us of a Deicide concert in Chicago later that month, and we thanked her. US==Quarex, Swiss Pope, Ghort, Murmur, Shadow Tao, Crank, and Sweeney Erect "All good things should be ripped apart." -Swiss Pope "Cats have no allegiance to bunnies." -Swiss Pope "Because Jon Tesh is 5000 years old." -Ghort "Hey guys, am I in human or demon form?" -Brett Presson "I'm ashamed to call myself a demon if this is the kind of void we live in." -Brett Presson "Hi, I'm Drew. Please rub my tummy. Thanx!" -Sign seen on Quarex's back, WHICH WAS WRITTEN BY THRILLKIL "Okay, Brett, who do you think started glam-rock?" "I don't know, I haven't seen the movie." -Ghort & Brett (Very appropriate mis-answer of a question) Please note: Brett has now cheated on three girlfriends ove six times! Way to go, you piece of shit scumbag! "*** Signoff: Glynis (Connection Reset by Peer)" OH NO! OUR CONNECTION TO THE FEMALE WORLD!!!" -IRC session mok are you moking me jon? -Funniest unintentional pun ever seen on irc "Do you want some water, skull ring?" -Quarex to his ring while at a drinking fountain, during his day-long run of worshipping his skull ring after it gave Jason mono with a mere curse "I wouldn't know, because I wasn't here." "You weren't here last week?" "Well, I wasn't here after I left." -Brett Presson, Hrothgar, Brett Presson "Insect repellant as a condom lubricant?" "Get off with off." "And new Deep Woods off, for those who like it rough." -Shadow Tao, Quarex, Dan "Everything I do. . is Solid Gold." -Dave, the drunk guy that kept saying this OVER AND OVER on Goat-Spiel "Sometimes, when I look at Christin, I feel like throwing up." -Katie, Spirit's younger sister. The subject was a girl who is the sister of an acquaintance of ours. She is so absolutely hideous that it's not even funny. And, to hear her say this, punctuated by a lot of laughter in-between words, was one of the funniest things imaginable. "Toilet Paper is still a stupid practical joke." "Let's say that you were to put cardboard over someone's window as a practical joke." "Okay." "You'd put it on every window in their house, even the second floor ones." "How would you get to the second floor window? Nobody can reach that high!" "Uhhh. ." "HAHAHAHAHAHA" "What? I'm serious! How would you get up there?!" "Okay. Anyway. ." "And whose house would you put it on?" -Jessica, Adam (p0rch), Quarex, Adam, Kara, Jessica, All (except Kara), Kara, Adam, Kara. Although this loses a lot in the translation, keep in mind that Kara honestly does not seem to think that there is any way to reach the second floor of a building. "Okay, fuckhead, PREPARE TO MEET YOUR MAKER!" -Murmur to ThrillKil after his whining at Goat-Spiel "My desktop pattern is ice cream." "Is it your computer?" "Yes, my computer is made of ice cream." -Jessica, Quarex, Jessica "I don't want them putting my DNA on the Intercom." -Quarex's mom. I think she meant Intercom, but Internet was more likely. "Here, let me patch you through to my ass." -Shadow "I thought you were going to stuff Sun Chips down my shirt." "Well, I was." -Jen & Quarex "I NEED MORE FOAM!" -Shannon, Spirit's little sister, talking about the frosting on his other sister's dairy queen ice cream cake. It was great in context. Jon, answer me. 5:53 was your best mile time? Yeah... THAT WAS MINE TOO!!! AND I'M A CHICK!!! -Irc Session "Think of a funny irc channel with 'warez' in the name." "Hmmm. . #warezwaldo! HAHAHA" "By-Tor! Fight the darkness!" -Swiss Pope & Quarex & Rush "Pantera have brought nothing but happiness into peoples' lives for five years." -Phil Anselmo, in a Metal Maniacs interview "Bolt Throwah. . Bolt Throwah. ." -Wesley Willis, the greatest songwriter ever "Fuck you Drew, I am not a hooker!" -Jessica "I'll have the egg drop soup, and they'll have won ton." "Yeah, Tracy's a real egg drop kinda gal." -Tracy & Quarex, who was immensely pleased that Tracy did not understand his joke. "I am a really mean drug lord." -Stephanie, during the Thespian Banquet improvs "I have also been working very hard on improving my speech. (pause) and grammar." -Ken, during the Thespian Banquet essay compo "Gimme some lovin', Jessie." *WHAP* -Karen, trying to take a picture of Jessie while she was up to bat at the senior picnic. Jessie proceeded to smack the ball directly into Karen's face. "Can I touch it, Jon?" -Jessica "IF YOU EVER FUCKING DO THAT AGAIN, I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR GOD DAMN HEAD OFF." -Quarex, screamed at Juliet in the cafeteria "So my spell won't work if I say 'Chicken Bits' but if I say 'Rooster Cock' it will?" -Ogre "To a norseman, hitting something with a hammer IS learning." -Ogre "You're listening to Fade to Blackbeard." -Quarex, regarding Goat-Spiel's "pirate" episode. "I was never drunk when I fooled around with R.J." -Massively drunk Laura Goeckner, presumably attempting to salvage her self-worth by claiming she was always sober with Murmur. "Ha ha. She said BARBeque." "FUCK YOU!" -Jessica, trying to spite Quarex yet again. Quarex screams in retalation, flings his pool cue into the cue ball, which then flies into the air and lands in a dollhouse. "Wait, why can't you use your car, Jon?" "He meant christmas." "You know, I have a tape of people chanting 'Owen & Jessie'" "You can't enjoy the Grateful Dead unless you're on pot?" "Par IS a word!" "You know, Laura, I didn't mean that YOU had to do pot to enjoy music." "Wait, why do you think I'm an MTV kid?" -Some of Atlas' many astoundingly-gullible or foot-in-mouth moments from our day-o-graduation parties day. "GLYNIS IS A HOTTIE" -Seen on a paper plate in my basement, author unknown (Murmur) "It's called POWER." -Hrothgar, after plugging in my speakers. We had been trying to figure out what was wrong with them for some time. "The #2 Lone Animal." -Quarex. Very hard to explain. "CHOCOLATE GONNA DIE! CHOCOLATE GONNA DIE!" -Quarex, while attacking Brett after a chocolate orgy "I'm a D as in DORK!" -Ogre, mocking the Gateway 2000 service rep we were talking to at 12 am, trying to get my new system working correctly (Windows 95 corrupts absolutely). "If my calculations are correct, then this won't work a god damn bit." -Ghort "I just noticed that if you took MOK, turned it upside down and added an 'E' it would spell EWOK." "Yeah, so would Glynis if you changed the spelling." -Robby & Jessica "Yeah, that's them, those ffagararafafaggits. Take that, you white trash." -Nice man that got us in trouble for taking flags. "Grab a bucket, get in on the fun!" -Magic Dip(tm) commercial "You've got too many Jessica quotes." "I agree." (I agree) -Swisspope, Quarex & Erzebet (thinking it) "Nathan, raise your hand if you want to ride the ponies." "Nathan, raise your hand if you want to ride the ponies." -Father to retarded 2 year old at Great America "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" -Terrifying noise uttered by retarded child upon latching onto someone's shoulder at Great America "This, not this." -Great America signs. Damn, they're funny. "Oh no! I've got a Joe Yodah on my hand! Aaaah!" -Spirit "YEAH! YEAH! SQUEEZE HIM LIKE A CARROT!" -Hrothgar, getting far too excited while playing Fantasy Hero "Becky? She's a giggling ball of shit!" -Laura "Oh please, like I want to fuck in a room with a gate clasp used for goats." -Jessica "Drew: Have a dick massage!" -Play on Jessica's mother's continual notes to me to eat food, have a drink, steal some jewelry, etc. BY ERZEBET "Maurin Cline, F.B.A. Fa fa fa, fafa fafa!!" -Quarex, temporarily losing any command of the English language "Paw, do we have any more cigarettes? I think the hogs is nervous!" -Ghort, complete non-seqitur! "I want a drink!" "You won't get a drink until you go faster." -Child and his father on the Constitution Trail. The child was trying to learn how to ride a bike, but obviously was not doing it well enough. "I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!!!" -Jessica, beating Erzebet (rather soundly, I might add) due to his comments on WESN in his 'Barry White' voice. "I'm going to buy all of the Taco Bell value meals when the Star Wars figures come out for them!" "You know, you are the biggest loser I've ever talked to in my life." -Phil from Taco Bell and Quarex "Lord loves a workin' man. Oink oink!" -Matt Warren (extremely drunk guy calling in to Goat-Spiel) "So I go up to the gate and say 'Matt Warren' and they'll let me in?" "So I just walk on up and say 'Matt Warren'?" -Matt Warren "I got two turn-tables and a microphone! I'm talking to the radio! Hey! Oink oink!" -Matt Warren "If fucked-upedness were measured in apples, then this would be a barn." "... Full of apples." -Quarex, and Quarex correcting himself "Damn faggots, always keeping secret." -Jake "Why does Jon leave black marks wherever he touches something?" -Quarex, wondering about ReQuiem's humanity "Where's the pepperoni and sneeze?" -Some little boy saying something that ReQuiem obviously misunderstood. "Are you trying to be funny? Because you aren't making me laugh. . ." -Dairy Queen employee, in a surreal visit to the fast food chain. "SET THOSE FAGS STRAIGHT!" -Spirit, coming up with an idea for a good campaign sign for Bob Dole "Vote Bob Dole for President, Jack Kemp for Vice President, and Evel Knievel for Head of NASA!" -Al Salvi, senatorial canidate for Illinois, accidentally explaining why you should not vote republican "Who are you guys?" "Uh, we're just going to our cars. We have to work." "Well, I GUESS YOU'D BETTER GO DO THAT, THEN!!!" -Some Newswoman, ReQuiem, and the Newswoman again. She seemed very bitter about us being in the way. "I just want to be friends." "I don't need a friend. I have enough friends. What I really need is a Harley! Can you be a Harley?" -RJ pretending to be a woman and RJ "Okay, we can go as Four Hitlers, Three Andy Roonies, and Becky." -Everyone collaborating on funny halloween costume ideas "And what are you two doing here?" -Spirit and very appropriate Also Sprach Zarathustra incidental music "Hey, names aren't pluralized. . ." "I'VE DECIDED THAT THEY ARE!" -ReQfouriem, tabbing incorrectly and spelling his name wrong, and Quarex "I wish my sisters were lesbians, because at least then they'd have something to do..." -ReQuiem "What was your favorite moment of High-School?" "When I fucked that bitch like a hog!" -Spirit & Jake "Are you in high school or are you a nurse?" -Murmur to Andy, dressed appropriately "You're a platypus trapped in the body of an asian immigration official." -Quarex to Jake "It was much slower the first time." -Ogre "EeeEEeeEEEeeeeE!" -Ed, using the force to pick up a sandwich and bring it to him "Jake, come sit on the rockin' bench of love with me." -Quarex to Jake "And if you get hungry, you can EAT YOUR ROOM!" -Sound advice in general from Ogre "As you can see, he's been turning KINDRED into URINAL CAKES!" -Ogre "Open your coat and have it shoot outward." -Ghort, then everyone else "That's copollio." "Wow, I've never typed 'copollio' when trying to type 'cool' before." -Spirit "Same thing as last year with the fat chick." -Quarex, completely out of context "NO!!! You mixed the FLOOR popcorn with the BOWL popcorn!!" -Ogre "And don't come down to the station, because we're not letting anyone else in." "Thay means YOU, WINDX!" -Quarex & Spirit "RJ's a cloth beast! Hahaha!" -Spirit "Jesus is the hack-saw." -Spirit "Hey, mom, look what I've got! Acid Bath, and it's really hot!" -Quarex "If you open him up, you see the glow-in-the-dark blood." "OH, REALLY. I HAD NO IDEA I COULD DO THAT." -Taco Bell employee & Quarex mocking him "Twist her head off!" "I'm going to open her child-proof cap!" "No, I think someone already took off her child-proof cap." -Kreeg, Quarex, Kreeg "Don't take my shoe off!" "I bet you're pretty good at taking your clothes off by now." -Megan & Kreeg "HOLD IT!" "Brett cut my lip open with his braces!" -Brett (P) & Megan, Mishler, Brett (P) & Megan, Megan. "Thanks for not opening the door, asshole." -Larissa to Quarex "Wow Megan, you actually looked attractive there for a second!" -Quarex "I just heard the term 'Vagina Power' and I'm going to go die now." -Spirit at Ghort's party, quite some time before October 9 "You know, I'm an exquisite actor." -Macman "Hey, is that your first lollipop? I already finished mine. Do you know where the handsaw is? -Ken "I can't believe my wrist still hurts." "TOILET!! haha." -Ken "When you were a man. . ." -Joe BEIER! in a very nice grammar error while talking to Anne Semlak "That's why apathy is the best way, because you can just supercede all of this and head straight for the food!" -Ghort "Billy Corgan just told me in confidence that. . there's a car headed straight towards us." -Ghort "Dear Sega: I don't think the Dilbird should come at my son." -Ogre "Okay, what we're gonna do now is go through the wall of flame into the city of trash." -Ogre explaining something "Eat THIS, Yankee!" -Quarex's character insulting Kreeg "That was a violation of my client's civil rights!" *SLASH* -Jake's character in an attack on an evil cop "Nothing against fat people, but this is one of the most worthless ones ever." -Jake "The Pet Shop Boy hits you with a blow that breaks your spine. You are dead. Sorry." -The DTO Mud, caused by Shadow Tao "FUCK DISNEY--LIVE MAN-O-WAR!!!" -Hrothgar "Oh yeah, where was I?" "I believe you were plunging to certain doom." -Gonzo & Kermit, Muppet Babies "Disney already owns the entire world. It's only a matter of time before they own the Universe." -Elizabeth DeSalvo "I'm going to ride you like a pony!" -Kreeg to Becky "I'm hungry." "On your way home, feast on the entrails of some chick!" "I don't have any money." -Juke, Quarex, Juke "THAT'S A COMMON MYTH!" -Jake "I fill it in with my dick." -Jake "Hey Drew, where are my pants? I left them here last time." -Jake "It runs fine on my system, but on your system, it requires. . Jesus. ." -Tao "This stuff is the best crank in town." -Mr. A, "High School High" "BRB, Sammi's on fire" -Hrothgar "Let's go to Stack & Shoot." -Quarex "I'm gonna cheat on Larissa with aRRjAY!!" -Hitchcock "Sorry. I am a Lion, we're not that creative." -Hrothgar ". . .and Jen basically pressured him into admitting that he liked her, and voila, bing bang boom, he gets in her pants." -Hrothgar, talking about Ghort "Let's go find some kids and hit them with rocks." -Spirit "Yeah, who the hell reads Beowulf in Kuwait?" -Hrothgar, being upset about irc's other Hrothgar "Yeah, there's some lesbian who likes Amorphis. ." (throws up arm triumphantly) -Quarex & Tao "'Let's go to the toy sale!', said Barbara to Jimmy." "'All right, Barbara Tjimmi!" -Ogre "Sultan is the epitome of epitome." -Hrothgar "Clap your feet, everybody!" -Christian folk vocalist "Aaahhh! Cargando ROM!!" -Spirit, referring to the bizarre error received when he attempted to run Mr. Do. "I have a chess game?" -Dr. One "If a marine cannot think, a marine cannot kill!" "I'll be sure to tell that to all of my five-year-olds." -Quarex & Spirit, interacting entirely in character! "Amy gives me a hardon." -Hrothgar "My total reason for action is that I want to control the earth." -Quarex "When you guys hit 20, you'll experience bad hole sucky-sucky." -Murmur, based on an idea from Kreeg "Here ya go, I want to start a fire, so let's get it going." -Marsee, our Steak & Shake waitress (with a dixieland accent) upon learning that it was Kreeg's birthday. She lit a straw wrapper with her lighter and we sang to him. "EVERYONE HAS A CHESS GAME! JESUS CHRIST!" -Swiss Pope, in reaction to Dr. One's earlier quote "NO, NOT HAM, YOU FAT FUCK!" -The Spirit of Christmas(tm) "Don't knock her into my fucking home entertainment system!" -Hrothgar, showing no remorse for Mollie's well being, but a lot for his stereo equipment's. "NOOOO! NOT AT RISQUE'S! GOD, NOT AT RISQUE'S!" -Spirit, expressing concern that his car not stop functioning while he was parked in Risque's parking lot. "MY HEART NEVER STOPPED POUNDING!" -Ineffectual quote from a movie critic in some shitty trailer. "Manowar - Jollier Than Hell!" -Spirit What time are you coming over here today? I don't know It depends on what time I feel like fucking you over. -IRC session "Newly enstated holder of the cock." -Vanir "COME HERE." "What?" "JUST GET DOWN!" -Spirit and a massively confused Katy Kusmaul